There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible
to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady
"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up in the morning and say,
"Good morning, Lord,"
and there are those who wake up in the morning and say,
"Good Lord, it's morning."
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city
because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read:
"I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment.
Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note:
"I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job.
Lead us not into temptation."
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday
and announced to his congregation:
"I have good news and bad news.
The good news is,
we have enough money to pay for our new building program.
The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage.
The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor,
because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...
"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass.
Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts
of how he was going to ask the congregation
to come up with more money than they were expecting
for repairs to the church building.
Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist
was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.
The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently.
"But, you'll have to think of something to play
after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said,
"Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty;
the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected
and we need $4,000 more!
Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played
"The Star Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
